What's with Beth!

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-23T15:53:00.000-08:00

From 2010: "I've been thinking a lot lately about what I'm really thankful for. I am thankful that I had a wonderful mom who raised me with morals, integrity, a hard-working attitude, and with love. I have had the chances of education so that I can learn and grow in myself everyday. I have had the opportunity to love and be loved. I have had bad times so I know when the good times are great! I am thankful for my family and friends who put up with my personality. I am thankful to have a great job, that I enjoy, while many are out of work. I AM THANKFUL TO JUST BE ME!!!"

As Thanksgiving is drawing near again, I find myself even more thankful for the family, friends, and experiences I talked of last year. I am thankful that my mom is staying with me now and we get to have so much time together. I am thankful for the good and trying times, :), with her... I am thankful for my job and the new friends that I have formed this year. I am thankful for the peace and happiness I have found in my life recently, for the strength that I'm gaining everyday, and for the chances of more happiness to come in my future.

To my friends and family -- Happy Thanksgiving to all!!

We have the memories - we can't go back, but we can go forward!

2011-06-08T18:52:00.000-07:00

I've seen a few different "applets," "applications," or whatever you want to call them recently through Facebook. Nothing really different than has been forwarded around amongst friends and family for years reminding us children of the 60s, 70s, and 80s what we grew up with and what the kids now have.

In my recent posts I've talked about some bad things from my childhood... things that I want to learn to file away, but things that still were the foundational building blocks to who I am now. We are a conglomeration of all the mismatched, perfectly rectangular or totally mis-shapen bricks stacked on top of each other.

I have memories of my brother, Joe, and me sitting in the livingroom floor playing matchbox cars, many hands of War, playing softball in the frontyard with the little trees, not much taller than we were, as our bases. We knew how to entertain ourselves back then - or we knew how to get out from under mama's feet one :)...

We didn't have video games until we were in our early teens, the Atari 2600 was our first "system." We had just a handful of games, and then a few years later I remember begging my mom for a computer for Christmas. I feel like a nut when I see the picture from Christmas morning, me toting the keyboard for my Commodore 64. Joe knew I was getting it, so he picked out a game for mom to buy also -- Seven Cities of Gold... I loved that stupid little game. I call it stupid now, because I can only picture the pixelly images. Mostly just little dots, nothing like the high-tech, 3-D, games kids have now. I remember being thrilled to get to go to summer camp - haha - it was a day camp, learning BASIC programming at the school. But it was a week and I learned how to write like:

10 do this
20 if this then do this
30 ...

hahaha MEMORIES! long since forgotten the details of BASIC.

We got to play Ms. Pacman when we went to Smitty's for a cheeseburger and fries. Haven't seen a full-size video game up close in way too long... and Smitty's is long-since closed too. It was a staple for so many years. Nothing fancy needed there - burgers, fries, hotdogs, and fried chicken (and green beans and mashed potatoes were the sides) not lots of choices, but oh it was good. Replaced by an ATM machine, so sad!!!

I remember 8-Tracks, mom had a stereo that would hold five or so and cycle through them. Glen Campbell's "Rhinestone Cowboy" was a favorite, I remember the cassette of trucker type songs (that's what I call them now) like Convoy by C.W. McCall (who would have known I would grow up to marry a trucker, LOL) and I remember getting a soft record when I was 6 or 7 of Elvis... It was floppy and I'm not sure what was on the other side, but I remember "In the Ghetto" playing over and over. I had no clue who Elvis was.

I remember mom hiding a cassette recorder under the couch to catch our ramblings when we awoke to our gifts on Christmas morning. My mind will never let me forget the year I spat out "TONKA!!!" this isn't mine. But it was mine, Joe and i both had Tonka trucks, I never was a Barbie-doll girl.

I know what a rotary phone is, still want one in bright orange just to have it (but they are still too expensive on Ebay, seems so many people are as nostalgic as I am). We always had one on the wall just inside mom's bedroom door. It was icky 70s green, LOL.

TV shows were monochrome. If we were really good and held our mouth just right we could turn the UHF knob half-way between two settings and pickup the public TV station. Otherwise it was pretty much 5, 7, and 11 were the channel choices. TVs weren't in the bedrooms, we all watched in the livingroom and we walked across the room to change the channel. If the wind blew too hard one of us had to run outside and turn the antenna while the other one stood at the door and yelled when the reception was clear again.

Oh the good old days!

I remember my mom never complaining to go to work to sew all day at Young Squire in Mt. Olive. And I remember her coming home and sewing or crafting at night to make things to sell to give us more. I still don't remember her trying things on me at night when I slept, LOL, but she says she did.

My granny used to let me sit behind her, my butt on the back of the couch, legs around her shoulders, brushing her hair just like I knew what I was doing. She was always so patient whether she had to watch Joe and me after school when we weren't always loving being in the same room together, or whether my cousin Donald, wanted to sit in the kitchen floor and use the pots and pans for musical instruments, or whatever I never remember her frazzled over it.

I have the shape of a fork on my right arm because my brother thought he wanted to see how hot a fork would get on a stove burner. I look at it and dream of where he would be today had things been different. I can just picture him in the world of computers, cell phones, reality TV - I don't know what show he would be good on - wouldn't be survivor, he was always a little on the scared of the dark side and would run a mile to get away from the health department to avoid a shot. I think he would still love heavy metal music, but I also can picture him working at the bank, all dressed in a suit and fish tie with one yellow and one turquoise blue high-top shoe. ;)

I want to know what you remember about your childhood - what memories has reading this made you think about?? SHARE!!

Child Sexual Abuse Prevention for Parents and Individuals - Darkness to Light

2011-05-31T16:11:00.000-07:00

Child Sexual Abuse Prevention for Parents and Individuals - Darkness to Light

It Was Only a Misdemeanor Back Then!

2011-05-31T15:33:00.000-07:00

To veer off from the hard memories I want to touch on what was going on in the last decade of the 20th century and into the current...

When I was finally old enough and mature enough to want to bring some punishment for what had happened I quickly found that it wasn't, by law, anything but a misdemeanor in North Carolina.

An uncle, if found guilty of sexual intercourse with a niece, was only punishable by up to 45 days of community service for his act. I remember when I read that the law was being corrected -- and monitoring the newspapers and later the Internet until the law was finally changed in 2002. One NC state senator, even had enough of a backwoods mentality in the 21st century of saying:

"Everybody down here just wants to punish somebody. Hell, I got this old boy back home, I can't get him out of jail! He fondled his niece—no penetration or anything, you know. Those sons of bitches gave him two years!"
"How old was the girl, Senator?"
"Aw hell, I don't know Four?! Five?!"

I would have loved to know which elected official was stupid enough to say something like that. It is noted that he did eventually vote for the new legislation, but who's to say he really believed in it, or if he fell into public pressure to do it.

Now the law is changed, at least to close the original loopholes that "protected" family members and didn't hold them to standards equal to, much less higher, than the standards of strangers.

The draft and final text of Bill 1276 can be read at:

http://www.vachss.com/guest_dispatches/grier_weeks.html

Letting go of the past!

2011-05-30T17:45:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how to start this post. I've muddled it through my head for hours, days, weeks, actually years. I've told few people this truth about my life - my mom, my husbands, a handful of close friends and coworkers over the years...

I know some who know me will find that this answers some questions of why I am the way I am. Others will doubt what I'm about to say, and others will totally disbelieve me. I will say up front, I'm not out for everyone to understand, but I do hope if you read this that you will truly think about those people n your life and the lives of your children, your neighbors children, and children of people you have never met. This issue is more prevalent than anyone is ever willing to admit. It goes on every day, and has been going on every day for centuries if not forever.

Child sexual abuse are three huge words. The earliest I remember it happening was when I was around 10 or so years old. My "favorite" uncle started grooming me by wanting me to sit beside him when we would be travelling down the road. At first it was just riding in the truck sitting beside him, rather than in the passenger seat area. Then he began putting his arm around my neck and it wasn't long before he would want to massage my breast. I don't believe it was long before these events would lead to much much more.

To back up, I was raised by a wonderful, loving, mother. I knew then as I know now that she did the best she could to love my brother and me, to protect us, to provide for us. Unlike my brother I yearned for a father in my life. Mine had been long gone, left when I was an infant. When my aunt, who I was also very close to and shared the same driveway, met and married, I adopted her husband as my father figure. Most people who knew us back then that's all they think or thought he ever was to me. I wish it had been.

I know the age it started, because I know it was before I started having my menstrual cycle. Unlike many who repress they're abuse for years, mine has never been repressed - I have lived with these memories bouncing in my head EVERY DAY! EVERY HOUR! for almost 30 years.

I'll never forget when that happened the first time, my mom hadn't had the chance to talk to me about it, I did start quite early with that, but I remember hinting to my aunt what was happening (mom was at work) and she told me something like it was what happened and to put something in to protect my clothes. What I wasn't able to tell her was that I thought she meant I was pregnant. I thought it was something that was happening because of what my uncle had been doing to me. But I kept quiet and finally figured out what was truly happening and going to happen each month was normal and not a result of the other.

I believe my background and my "neediness" for that male influence allowed him to prey on me as it allows many abusers to know who is more likely to be influenced to keep his/her secret. It's not been my secret, it's been his secret that I've kept. The vulnerability in kids, such as I, allow people who truly know they are doing wrong to tell us to keep "our little secret" or to "not tell because it will hurt others."

Over time I hope to open up and tell more of the secret inside of me so that I can finally heal and hopefully let others know what to look out for to protect it from happening to another vulnerable child.

Super Double Coupons This Week at Harris Teeter

2011-01-05T17:02:00.001-08:00

Super doubles started today. I'm getting my coupons ready for a BIG weekend of shopping and saving!!!

I'm in Love!

2010-12-24T18:47:00.000-08:00

No! I haven't met anyone. But I am in love... with the landscape along I-81 in Virginia. I just want to be dropped from the sky to live just about anywhere along that stretch of highway.

Rolling hills, mountains in the distance, open farmland scenery with lots of pretty red barns and silos... Just beautiful.

I so enjoyed the drive up to Maryland today. Hope to see a little more snow in the scene on the drive home Sunday.

Until then, I'm looking forward to spending time with family. It's been way too long since I've been up here. Mom and I are having a blast... well as much of a blast as I can have. Kermit is a bit wild, and they keep telling me he's having a quiet day... sheesh.... from the words of Achmed the dead terrorist (re: Jeff Dunham's puppet if you don't know Google it) - I keep telling him - Silence!! I'll Kill You.

And he's going to visit one more time tonight to help Santa <wink> <smile> carry the kids' gifts across the street

And I'll be in lala land trying to figure out how I can move to Virginia ... Let's see we just signed a 9 month lease, so I have a few months to figure it all out. :)

Merry Christmas to All!

Strike 3, am I out of luck?

2010-12-04T18:52:00.000-08:00

Well James, my husband, and I have decided that it's just not going to work for us. We do love each other, but after separating earlier in the year and then giving it one last try, it just isn't the best for us.

We have decided our biggest issue is we don't have enough in common. We do both enjoy Nascar, maybe we can blame it on the season ending? No! He doesn't understand some of my interests and I the same with some of his.

Of all ways for the subject to really be brought out in conversation - the death of actor, Leslie Nielsen at the end of November. James was a huge fan, me not so much at all. I actually really detested his movies. Sometimes, well many times, I just didn't understand that type of humor.

I don't think my "keep things serious" personality is a good thing. I would love to be able to let go at times, but it's just not something I can do.

He definitely doesn't understand my crafting. It takes up space and sometimes gets out of control in his house that he likes to keep so "his" way. Not that it's spotless, or needs to be, it's just there's not a place for my extra interests.

And we both do have different thoughts on parenting and family dynamics. That just comes from him being raised in a large close-knit family, and me being raised with much more - well I'll tell it like it was, a very small family with little mingling amongst extended family. One is not better or worse than the other, just different.

But, I will be moving before the big holiday. We both figure it's best since "the family" will be getting together here on the farm, and I wouldn't feel comfortable attending the events, and it would be awkward for me to be here and not attend the events.

I have enjoyed it for the most part, it's been trying at times. It's been a lot of ups and downs, but I will be leaving without any regrets. I was a part of the lives of 3 wonderful stepchildren and 7 grandchildren I hope they are able to all live up to the potential they are entitled to.

And to the extended family - I wish you all the best of luck, love, and happiness in the future.

I have found a new apartment in Graham. Only a few miles from the office. I'm looking forward to it - really I am. 2011 is going to be another new adventure for me. I'm ready!

Strike 3, am I out of luck? I definitely don't think so...

Vertex42 - Excel Templates, Calendars, Calculators and Spreadsheets

2010-12-02T19:25:00.000-08:00

Vertex42 - Excel Templates, Calendars, Calculators and Spreadsheets

I love this site's free downloadable templates. Great layouts and easy to use and customize.

[CRAFTING] Onesies and T-Shirts for the kids

2010-11-27T20:14:00.000-08:00

Made these a week or so ago. I was having an issue with Abby's name, so it ended up with an extra "B." But all-in-all I think they turned out well.

[CRAFTING] Bracelets

2010-11-27T20:00:00.000-08:00

Mom and I spent the evening making bracelets. FUN!! And as good or better than anything we found today at the Christmas Craft Show in Mebane. It was such a disappointment. :(

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-25T07:58:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I'm really thankful for. I am thankful that I had a wonderful mom who raised me with morals, integrity, a hard-working attitude, and with love. I have had the chances of education so that I can learn and grow in myself everyday. I have had the opportunity to love and be loved. I have had bad times so I know when the good times are great! I am thankful for my family and friends who put up with my personality. I am thankful to have a great job, that I enjoy, while many are out of work. I AM THANKFUL TO JUST BE ME!!!

To my friends and family -- Happy Thanksgiving to all!!

"Those" People

2010-11-24T18:44:00.000-08:00

I really despise those people. No, I'm not speaking of a particular race of people; but rather I am speaking of purely trashy folks. I stepped out of the car this evening at the local Subway to pickup dinner and right at my feet was a dirty baby diaper. It's just a common type of person who has no better raising than to throw that, much less any trash, in a parking lot.

Trash is just trash, and trash does what they do - and trash goes in the GARBAGE!

Just my 2¢

Beth

Denny, #11, Comes in 2nd!

2010-11-21T13:35:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to Denny for a great run this year, but fans are sad he wasn't able to complete the win today. Jimmy Johnson has won his 5th championship in a row :(... What great "entertainment" for Nascar fans....

Well the Jimmy Johnson Show is over for a few months.

Making Bread

2010-11-21T09:08:00.000-08:00

Making homemade cinnamon-raison bread for the folks at work tomorrow. Yum! I can hardly wait. Was time to use some starter and had to keep it going for bread later in the week for Thanksgiving.

I just love this recipe. Have cleaned it up slightly and modified it some, but the bread makes me think of my childhood when mom used to make this. I remember her getting her starter from Mrs. Patty Brock, my aunt on my father's side, but I've never really thought of her as Aunt Patty. She is a very nice lady though.
The recipe (Sourdough-starter,food,bread.pdf) is here if you ever want to try it, and if someone near me wants a cup of starter let me know and I will definitely share.

Communication

2010-11-15T18:18:00.000-08:00

Communication: (n) 1. the act or process of communicating; fact of being communicated. 2. the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.

Communicating effectively is about getting your message across to other people clearly. It is both sending the message and the reception (hearing/reading/understanding) of the message. Messages can often be distorted by the sender or misinterpreted by the receiver. These errors in the message can cause a tremendous amount of confusion.

To get your message out to someone or a group it is suggested you think in "whole" messages. This consists of 1. Observations - describe what has happened; 2. Thoughts - State what you believe, what opinions you have, or how you perceive what has transpired; 3. Feelings - Tell how you feel about the situation; and 4. Wants - what do you want to have happen.

Once you have given your message you must then receive the response communication effectively, Judge Judy (Sheindlin) says "God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason." This is very true. Sometimes communication issues are from not just being quiet and hearing what is being said. Other times it is from have preconceived ideas of what is, or is going to be said; and then at times the message is just outside of the realm of understanding for the receiver. There are times still that a "wall" of sorts is between the communicators and nothing can penetrate it no matter how simple or complex.

Listening is a very important, if not one of the most important skills you can have. How well you are able to listen will have a major impact on the quality of your relationships with others:

We listen to obtain information.
We listen to understand.
We listen for enjoyment.
We listen to learn.

To listen "effectively" you should begin by giving your undivided attention to what is being said. If possible look at the person who is speaking. Don't be preparing your rebuttal before you've heard the message, avoid being distracted by your surroundings, listen to both the person's words and body language. Secondly you should show the speaker that you are listening. You should nod occasionally, appropriately smile and use other facial expressions and/or body language, keep your posture in check that it is open and inviting, and encourage the speaker to continue by giving small verbal comments such as "Yes" and "Uh-huh." Be careful to defer judgment by not interrupting and allowing the speaker to have the time needed to get the point out. You should follow-up by providing feedback to let the messenger know what you "heard." Ways to do this include repeating/paraphrasing what you understood was said, ask questions to clarify points that weren't exactly clear, Summarize the speaker’s comments periodically. Lastly you should respond appropriately. Do not attack or demean the speaker as this is counter-productive if you really want to have any type of business or personal relationship. You should always treat the other person as he or she would want to be treated - and as you would want to be treated.

Communicating in writing, namely email communication, is very difficult for many people. To make email effective, either for personal or business use, one should (a) make the subject line actually mean something; (b) the message should be kept short and to the point; (c) should not be typed in ALL CAPS, as this is considered as yelling and interpreted as being rude and aggressive; (d) should include some sort of repeat of the initial message when replying; (e) should be checked for proper spelling [look for my opinion of spelling in today's society coming soon] and somewhat functional punctuation; and (f) should be in plain text unless it is completely necessary to use HTML markup. Further you should use the "BCC" feature when appropriate. "BCC" means Blind Carbon Copy. You can send email to as many people as you need to and noone will see the other recipients information. This keeps the email clean and concise and prevents the need for all users to scroll down to reach the actual message.

<SIDE TANGENT> It is okay to have an email address for casual communication, ie sassymama2010@yahoo.com; ilovebeer@hotmail.com, or bigpapapump@gmail.com, but it is also suggested to have a more "professional" email for important communications (yourname@server.com). This proper email address should be used at such times that you apply for a job, send an electronic letter to a business, or otherwise need to be taken seriously. <END SIDE TANGENT>

Formal letter writing is not a complete activity of the past. Everyone, I repeat EVERYONE, should have a basic ability to format and write an effective letter. Tips can be found virtually at every edge of the Internet. One great site is http://businessletterformat.org/. Knowing when to indent, space between paragraphs, setup the inside address, return address, body, and signature sections is important to be taken seriously in life.

I believe learning to effectively communicate is an ever-changing and ever-repeating process. We often forget and should keep ourselves "in-check" that we are aware of how we are presenting or reacting to messages.